KIDS’ PLAY – SERIOUS BUSINESS
There was once a bunch of baby clouds. They only wanted to fly in the sky here and there. They wanted to look down at the earth’s beauty, touch the mountains, the trees and kiss the waters. But just after a few days of learning to fly, the older clouds told them that they have to soon learn to carry water and pour it on the earth as and when they are told do.
The baby clouds were more than happy to undertake this task, infact they felt a lot grown up with the responsibility. They were joyous when they first set out to absorb the water droplets from the air to fill themselves up. They bounced with the air, pushed and rolled each other, got dirty in the mud and grass, and when the elders saw this, they were furious. They admonished them and asked them to take their work seriously.
They did that and witnessed the joy of first monsoon of their life. When they poured themselves on the land, plants sprouted, birds sang, peacocks danced, little humans jumped in puddles, spread out their arms, opened their mouths with tongues out to taste their water. Just then they saw something happening on earth. They saw bigger humans, dragging the little humans from their play in the rain, inside towards their closed boxes and could hear some loud voices. They guessed that they are getting the same scolding as well.
Nevertheless, the first experience of making rains filled the young clouds with pride and joy. When the elders saw this, they admonished them again and told them that it’s not wise to feel so happy or proud of their work. Afterall, that is what they were born to do. Filling water and pouring it out is the only purpose of their life and there is no reason to be so joyous or proud of it.
Next year the little grown-up clouds were happy again and wanted to play but the admonishment continued. Every year their joy was frowned upon and their pride was continuously put down. This continued until the clouds grew up to be grey, brown, dark and burdened with the water like all the older ones.
Same time on the earth, a little human was trying to taste this rain water with her tongue out, lying flat on the wet grass and mud. Another little human was picking up a slimy snail on his palm and digging another hand in the squishy mud. The bigger humans came, picked them up from this haven of their joy, told them repeatedly that this isn’t joy, this isn’t nice, this is dirty, this is filthy and this is BAD. The little humans could not understand it and yearned to go back to doing exactly that. As fate would have it, both of them fell sick with cold, cough and fever. They were then told by the biggers that it was all their fault for playing in dirty things and hence they deserve to get sick.
Next year the littles had forgotten all about it and were joyous in mud, grass and water again but they feel sick again and this time the biggers were very very angry. This continued for a few more years till the littles lost their yearning to go out, forgot all about their joys and became morose and sad like the biggers who never wanted to step out of their boxes.
When a 6 months old baby keeps flaying her arms and legs in the air, we don’t instruct the baby to do it in a certain way. We are more than happy to look at its smiling face. Why do we then feel compelled to loom over a 6 yr old child, instruct him/her to play exactly how we want, for the time that we want, with toys or kids who we want?
Why do we want to exert control over the littles just because we can , in the guise of love, and learning . From the age of 0-5 yrs, kids learn the most but contrary to belief , we need to teach them the least. They learn by observation, mimicking and human interactions. The more they are spoken to, quicker they will learn their language. The more they are taken out in nature, gardens etc , quicker they will learn to balance , climb and jump. The more they eat with their families, more they will learn to accept and like variety of foods. The more they watch and spend time on a screen, the faster they will regress in their emotional growth.
More important than any learning and teaching in the toddler stage, is the playtime they deserve from the age of 5 to 15 yrs. Sad reality is that ,we are more than happy to take away their playtime for every whim and fancy of ours. For instance, if they throw a tantrum, if they did not eat their food, if they did not complete their homework, if they did not behave well, if they did not perform well at school. What makes us so sadist to take away the only thing that is the purpose of a child’s life?
Let’s look at it with an economic perspective vis a vis cultural shift.
Silent generation (1930-50) – Struggling to cope up with partition and new independent country when everything was limited , was built to last , was rationed , education was inaccessible, playtime existed only in natural surroundings , time on hand and creativity in the head.
Boomers generation (1950-1970)- Educated, better access to resources although limited, hard -working, PSU generation, advent of radio with music, stories, news and movies in theater halls , playtime expanded beyond nature to sports like cricket and football, time on hand and creativity in the head .
Generation X (1970-1980) – More avenues of education, advent of television in cities and households, work opportunities other than PSU, playtime limitations begin with more stress for academics acheivements which meant better work opportunities later .
Millenials (1980-1994) – Better academics / better jobs co relation established with globalization, even more emphasis on academics, population boom and limited work opportunities, advent of channels on TV , first glimpses of western culture through music and movies on TV available, playtime correlation with reward and punishment begin
Generation Z – ( 1994-2012) – Worldwide web is here, academic pressures are cut throat, social media advent and pressures are even worse than academics, luxury and comfort is basic necessity now, health is deteriorating both physical and mental , playtime is minimal or even nonexistent.
While we all know that the first three generations have been known as resilient , we are also aware that the millennials have surpassed with physical health issues and Gen Z is struggling with both physical and mental health issues . Do we need to spell it out more?
Let’s delve deeper into what playtime means for kids. It’s definitely none of the following
- Watching TV
- Playing video games
- Watching you tube
- Going for a badminton or any other sports class
- Going for arts, music, dance class
- Going for cycling for a few rounds
Now for the new age parenting practices, playtime also doesn’t mean the following.
-offering them an educational toy or game
-engaging them in a game with hidden learning intentions
– instructing them to hang or swing in a safe manner
– asking them to chase another kid in a bid to give them healthy exercise
– telling them that sand, mud , grass and water is dirty
– telling them not to touch dirty surfaces around them
Mr. India is the best role play that can be done by any parent during kid’s playtime. Watch, don’t say, judge or act unless danger is lurking very close.
Playtime helps kids to learn emotional regulation and it shows in their bodies and behaviour.
Contrary to belief, when the kids are acting out, they should be given more playtime, to bring them back to their homeostasis. When they aren’t able to focus on any task at school, give them more playtime at home and you will see quick improvement in their focus levels.
A lot of parents complain that their kids day dream a lot while completing their homework or while studying. Well ,that’s their job too. Kids have a vibrant imagination and they need not be asleep to dream about stuff and they have a right to do so, only if we let them be.
Playtime enables kids to learn life skills like negotiation, teamwork , leadership and life values like trust, honesty, loyalty, justice and creativity skills like script writing, storytelling, engineering , acting and what not.
LITTLES are the only naturally mindful humans on the planet who live in the moment and need no therapist to maintain the balance in their life. BIGGERS do their best to intervene and are unintentionally prepping the future clients for a therapist’s chair.
A lot of parents also complain these days that their kids aren’t willing to go out to play in the evening , They are nudged, pushed and even threatened but to no avail . These kids are rooted in front of a screen and even an earthquake can’t dethrone them. Kids and screentime is a discussion for another time. Till then , I hope it suffices to say the following.
The harshest thing we can do to a child is to take away their PLAYTIME
The KINDEST thing we can do to a child is to take away their screentime.